i am completely fucked up

today......is the most horrible and scary day in sydney.i had been drive away by my house owner out from my current accomodation. Just because of I stain the carpet with some cosmetic just now.but that time I have rushing out to having a rehearsal.there got no enough time for me to clean it up.still in my mind that I will clean it once I coming back from rehearsal.but once I step into my house,the house owner keep scolding me without hearing my reason.she just get cranky on me by this way and ask me keep my baggage and move out quickly.somemore I have to pay her 1000dollar as a fee to change the carpet.

the time is 1.30am..i been drive away from home.1september2009,i will remember this day forever..

the weather outside is cold and have a strong wind...because the spring is just around the corner..my leg was hurt and still need to carry all the baggage...feel that very out of luck nowsaday,why i have this kind of destiny??i drift on................

my tear is drop down that time........and sitting on the roadside,dont know where should i go...along this time i am disguise to be tough all the time.because i know that i not able to let my mum or all the people who care me worried about me.i am just alone in foreign country,i suppose facing all of this incident myself without rely on anyone.but now i cant,i realy cant pretending tough,no more energy to disguise.i am tired to be tough...now...i just know crying....sitting on the roadside and cry for everything.

after recharge my mobile phone in the convenience store nearby.i start hand up my cell phone...but i stut there....cause i don't know who should i make a call.i can't call the person who i would like to call.feel very unfamilliar with my phone.i quite a long time never use it already.sometime even where i put my phone i also don't know.

i start check my contact list one by one.i suddenly realize that i got no a familiar friends in australia.....i just have the number with all the guy who wanna chase me..but they are really hatefull somemore annoying.i don't like to contact them,even they call me i never picked up.otherwise,i just can phone my malaysia's friends..i call one by one from my list,but plenty friends never picked up.finally my subang's brother picked it up.he is the people who most sayang me,and treat me like his sister before.

but I just know how to cry.maybe I am not mature….but I don’t care….never anyone will understand my current situation.cause never anyone undergo it before..alone in foreign country,stressfull,tired,helpless……..yet no place can I stay for tonight.the weather is cold,and the street is dark….drunk people distributed over all….somemore nowsaday a lot Chinese woman was murder in sydney.the murderer cut their body into pieces and throw into wollooggong.i afraid of I will be the target of them.but I refused to told my mum about this,because I know they will worried me if I told them.i can’t let my mum worried about me again.but in the end I be forced to told my mum also.

After that,I just check in to a hotel.i am really disappointed and upset…….but now I just know crying..i really miss Malaysia very much.but I not able to going back.i hate crying.but when remind that I bullying by a Australia citizen,I really can’t bear it.my tear is like a sea water gush out from my eye out of my control.A moment later,the sky is getting brighter.i know that this is my new days……….i just wipe off my tear and make a brand new start.i know I should tough again for a new day.its enough for me crying,I have to take care of myself start from now onward.should start to search for a new room later.

i should leave this world.i am not suitable for this world.....everyone abandon me.........i hate it